moodling (my own personal psychosis).

last night after the world was shut down, i scrapped for inspiration on youtube, watched a stranger’s photostream on flickr.  i was biding my time, waiting for my evening andy date — a bit of t.v. watching.  leif lay in my arms, quietly kicked out for the night.  all good & holy signs of contentment.

truth is, though, i was uncomfortable.   twitchy.  restless.

these baby days have been a brilliant think tank.  oodles of time to run over the philosophies in my mind as i rock leif, as i walk him to sleep, as i wear him while i make quesadillas on hot cast iron.

but there’s always been a side purpose:  rocking leif.  getting him to sleep.  ushering lunch onto the table.

i don’t make time to merely sit with myself.

until last night.  &, truth is, i was uncomfortable.  i’ve got an agenda, folks.

how about you?  are you a good sitter?  do you take in long doses of inactivity?

are you able to prop your own head up & look into your soul, to dig around & rearrange, to make room for the things that matter & politely ask those that don’t to leave?

so you see, imagination needs moodling – long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling, & puttering.                                                           –brenda ueland, “if you want to write”.

i’m not a good moodler.  but i want to be.  right now i’m typing with one finger, baby asleep on my chest.  i’ll get there, to the place of happy idling, if it takes me all day.  all year.  the rest of my life, to lay down my egocentric productivity.

join me in some imaginative moodling?  i’d be honored to have your company.

One thought on “moodling (my own personal psychosis).

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