and the world gets bigger.

last week my uncle mel, my first & best tennis partner, the one who chuckled when i thought he really could hit the same rock over & over with his backspin, came to the end of his life.  this last week has been a flood of memories, lots and lots of good, holy memories.

and the world gets bigger.

we drove up for the funeral, our first roadtrip as a family of six, gear packed & kids packed, knowing this trip would expand us.

we spent a full and filled 24 hours with my mom’s family (uncle mel was her sister’s husband), including my aunt judy & uncle garry who rode the train all the way from washington to be with us.  i’ve only been able to see them half a dozen times in my life.

and the world gets bigger.

about the time the wake was starting, aunt judy’s daughter brittany gave birth to a beautiful, healthy little girl they call “berkley,” world’s away in idaho.  and little bean leif got to meet all mom’s side of the family for the first time, at one month old.

and the world gets bigger.

our kids attended their first wake, their first funeral.  we helped them navigate what they were seeing, what they might have been feeling.  what this meant, what the fuzzy cookie- monster-blue chairs were about at the gravesite (soft coverings on chairs for the family.  strange.  still can’t figure out the color.).

and the world gets bigger.

i gave & received more hugs in 24 hours than i ever have, even with 4 young kids at hip all day, every day.  very healing, connecting, we-are-family hugs.

and the world gets bigger.

i felt my heart shift, ever so slightly, in those 24 hours.  we may have a heckuva lot going on down here, but it doesn’t matter so much.  not in the way i think it does.  the laundry, it’ll get done.  the messy counters, not as important as my three-year-old & going out to inspect the red mushroom.  the backup of bills, the appointments to be made, the days to plan, settled lower on the list under “hug & kiss your kids, call your mom and dad, stop picking up & have a long conversation with your husband”.

this is not new information.  i’ve run this circle before.  something life-changing hits, priorities shift, meaning in life realigns.  but then, somewhere in the foggy haze of busy, or duty, or responsibility, those renewed priorities slip just a little, nearly imperceptibly.  and i find myself back at square one, wondering how i got to caring so much about the (damn) laundry.

this time, i pray my heart stays.  or that it doesn’t slip so quickly.  or that when it starts to shift, i notice.  maybe that’s what i’ve needed all along, just to notice.  

i finished reading a blog a few minutes ago, with the ending blessing, “let grace fill in the gaps”.  it put tears in my eyes.  these significant things are grace, purest grace.

for uncle mel, for brand-new baby berkeley, and for leif, whose worlds will get nothing but bigger, may our worlds continue to get bigger alongside yours.

8 thoughts on “and the world gets bigger.

  1. Your words are SUCH a blessing and inspiration. Thanks for sharing. You are SO amazing….and your babies…absolutely beautiful:)

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