where do you put the art?

i’d rather not be starting this post, but i feel an odd tension i need to untangle.  here seemed best.

i’d rather not be writing, because any minute someone i love will wake & come crawl in my lap, & i will stop click-clacking & give snuggles & “good morning”‘s.  but i will still have this tension, not yet untangled.  i will want to turn back to my computer, i will steal peaks at photos i could upload & plan where i’ll insert them.  i will look over & around a tiny shoulder, while giving a tiny backrub.

but i will also want to be wholly present to this darling who has come in to sit by me, to sit in my lap & be loved, the very first thing in the morning, of utmost importance.

so my question is, how do you fit in the art?  

a few minutes ago i walked into the kitchen, greeted warmly by a sink of last-night’s plates & cups.  oy.  & still, the tanglings aren’t untangled.  & now i do have company, so my thoughts are shaky & i should just cease & desist. she has come in, with a coloring book & her markers, to sit beside mommy in the early morning, so we can listen to pandora & share the dim light of the lamp in the corner.  still.

i realize i’m in such a particular part of life, with three small children & an infant.  with diapers to change & bitty bodies to bathe.  with cheerios to sweep up off the floor & trains to play.  with walks to take & wagons to pull.  with schoolish stuff to weave in & meals to make.  & dishes & laundry &, &. . . .

and still the art remains, quietly asking for its own voice.

oh Lord, give me the grace to balance today what isn’t mine to weigh & measure.  even me out, so that my head isn’t crammed into distraction, so that i can hug my little ones & not keep peaking at the computer screen.  & find a place, no matter how small, for the art.  i feel that it’s important for it to find home somewhere.  & divvy me up so everyone has enough, including me.

thank You.

3 thoughts on “where do you put the art?

  1. Maybe, despite the longings, your not supposed to…or more, the longing is there for a reason, and thevstruggle of the balancing is the whole point. Have you heard, not sure where I did, that to fully appreciate love and be/know love you have to understand the opposite. To know hope means to know dispair, etc. Do u remember, before babies before u had a “life” shared with others so constantly? The loneliness of a dorm full of people, the empty thoughts that were free to wander, the car rides blankly staring out the window? Boredom? (Sigh) Its in the exact opposition where you find yourself, and there your deeper sense of the longings. Which to me, is just another reminder that I was not made for this world …but am created with a hole to only be filled in eternity.

    1. i’m wondering why we never went out for coffee when i lived close to you! great thoughts. yes — not doing the art & balancing the art. not doing as much as there is to do now, so that i can spend time on the babies. waiting. maybe in the waiting, there is growth? & certainly, not made for this world. thank you for the perspective, fine lady!! (&, you’re welcome — i heart footie pictures, too, obviously. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s