digital cameras might be the devil. the last two weeks, since we last talked (i keep track, you know), i’ve been a mad woman sorting, uploading, deleting & slide-showing photos in a holy effort to catch up. (let’s just throw that phrase out the window, eh?) it’s been so fun revelling in the memories of camping in our yard & kieran’s learning to ride his bike. i have pictures of the jumbo bowl of blackberries we scavenged in the woods, & of the stitches under kieran’s chin when he split it open going over the ramp on his bike in the dark. i have a photo of each of the superhero onesies the kids made for leif when he was first born: batman, green lantern, AND the flash. i never had this problem when i had a 35mm. film & processing is way too pricey for my budget. but now that i’ve gone digital, i am now officially a photograph junkie.
my “little” boys, kieran & leif.
so then, the wheels start turning as to why i have hundreds & hundreds of pictures of, say, july. & granted, i had a baby, so there’s that. but as i dig into myself (& you know i like that hobby), i’m realizing two things about myself.
for one, i’m afraid to forget.
you know how when you’re somewhere & your life suddenly amps up & throws you a glittery, sparkly unicorn-of-a-bone, & you pine for your camera, saying the same, & the person next to you chides, “you’ll just have to remember it in your heart”? yeah, pretty much my heart has no longterm memory. i have no storage. sometimes my brother jay & i have mini competitions to see who can remember less from our childhood. (we’re pretty blank-for-blank.)
so i’m afraid that if i don’t take the picture of that lovely half smile from the baby on this sunday in october when he wore the cute stripey hoodie with the dinosaur on it, i won’t remember it. this, of course, is no way to live. so i’ll need to find a remedy. (please send all helpful suggestions my way. i’m not really kidding.)
fortunately, my second realization needs no remedy: my life is awash in the glory of God. & that means that when i am going slow enough, everything & everyone around me heightens in beauty. when i shorten my to-do list, my eyes clear & i notice the dimples above the corners of javin’s mouth when he’s telling a funny story. & then i see those same dimples in leify when he’s cooing a lovely, babyish song. (& just for the record, “leif” with a long “a,” in case you were curious. 🙂
& it’s not that i now sit around slacking (though sometimes i do!), but my what-needs-to-get-done is always longer than it needs to be. (which is another addiction, for another day.) when i cull this down & notice my life, i’m often shocked at how good it is.
which brings me back to the hundreds & hundreds. which, in the grand scheme of things is a privilege & not a problem.
i just want to make sure i’m shooting for the right reasons.