five gigantic years old.

i may as well load up all the mommy emotion in a big heap & deal with it in one fell swoop.
kieran is 5 today.
which makes two kids turning a new year in 8 days’ time.
every year, all of march is birthday madness.
which means i can’t see straight
for all the mommy pondering going on
until easter.

i need a nap.

& a kleenex.

(have i mentioned we do this again in july?  javin & leif were born within two weeks of each other.  well, two weeks & nine years.  oy vey.)

last night at bedtime (why is it always bedtime?), i was singing
with leif snuggled on my chest
& kieran tucked in beside me, arm slung across my neck.
after hugs & kisses & extra snuggles
on this last night of kieran-as-4,
i thought i felt him fall off to sleep.
i felt the tears at the back of my eyes.

there’s something this year about the kids’ last night
being the age they are,
weighty with significance.

it feels a little bit silly,
but it’s killing me.

i asked you, little kieran,
if you were asleep yet, like i thought.
“nope!” you answered me,
perplexed that i would think that of you.

& i felt a tangible relief
that i could have a few more moments with you
as my sweet 4-year-old boy.
i snuggled you a little harder.

today, kieran, our third kiddo, you turn a bright & shiny five years old.actually, everything about kieran is bright & shiny.

unending smiles.  dimples.
bright eyes & a huge heart.
a silly sense of humor.
the best giggle.

& games.  does my boy ever love a good game.
every morning, after the sleep is rubbed out of his eyes, he begins.

“mama?  you’ll probably say ‘no’. . . i think you might say ‘no’. . . but. . .do you want to play a game with me?”

& honestly, there’s nothing kieran isn’t game for.

he truly loves all life has to offer.
activity, adventure, food.
from the time he was a baby, he fussed to have on his plate exactly what everyone else had.
first food?  broccoli.
because at 8 months he saw
that good was happening
& he wanted in.

he’s a beacon to all of us, this little-one-so-big in his (now) five-year-old skin.

and no one in our family is as bold as he is:

the first to ride his bike.
the first the first to get stitches.
the first to break a bone.
the first to tangle with a raspberry bush at the end of the sledding hill.

all because he’s so fully engaged in life & so exuberant about it at the same time.
[& a little bit crazy.]

& the imagination!
four is a holy ground for imagination & creativity.

always making something out of a stick & a rubberband.
always engaging one of his siblings for a romp.
always eager to help stir a cake or crack an egg.

& the brother thing?
he has it down.
both little brother & big brother.

so willing to love & be loved.

yep, kieran.  we are the richest family for having you placed perfectly at our center.

you truly are your namesake, “ray of light.”

happy birthday, big guy.
we love you to the moon & back.
five is gonna rock.


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