tulips, my new nephew, & dropping my phone in the river

i promised you tulips a while back, & after we got home (from meeting my new nephew!), both the purple bulbs & the yellowy-orange ones had bloomed.  hall.le.lu.jah.  this is what hope is made of, i tell ya.
my & thalia’s shadows.  artsy or silly. . . .you decide.

tulips are my kind of flower, not only because they’re early, they’re pretty, & they’re strong (all things i’d like to be), but also because i can’t screw them up.  all this loveliness in my yard & i did nothing.  wal-mart did more than i did.  the best $7.98 i ever spent, probably.

transition:  waiting for tulips is kind of like waiting for a baby.  (i couldn’t think of a real way to connect the dots without sounding like a cheesehead, so, there you go.)

meet my first, honest-to-goodness, blood-related nephew, my only brother’s new bean:  zachary john.
i’ve been waiting for this sweet little gem for a while.  (okay, a decade.  since javin was born.  it’s alright; i’m unbelievably patient.  ha ha.)
leif is already totally down with zachary.  he’s the first baby/kid i’ve ever held that leif hasn’t pitched a holy fit over, sidling his way alongside whoever it is taking up his mama.
they’ll be thick, these two.  this is the beginning of good things.
isn’t he edible?  7 hours old.   mmmmm, fresh baby.

& then after handing zachary back & wishing jay & jen rest, we made our merry way home, buckled in for the grandma hangover (sorry, mom.  it’s true & you know it.), & unpacked the swim gear (my parents had come down for zachary’s birth & put us up in a hotel with them (my parents, not jay & jen).).

it was such a beautiful day, so after landing & unloading, i went outside with the kids.  before long, leif took my hand & started toward the backyard.  i tucked the phone andy & i share into the top of my skirt & followed.  then thalia & kieran wandered back to where we were & asked if we could go down to the river.  our land doesn’t slope easily to the shoreline, but the neighbor’s does, & the kids love to throw rocks or watch for jumping fish there.  after plenty of both & some good, deep river water inhales, i reached down to pick up leif.  this is where you’d like to rewind the movie to & hit pause.  & stay there.  but no:  sploosh.  i set leif down so fast & immediately jumped in up to my knees.  frantic as i was, no amount of feeling around produced my phone.  good grief.  every rock on the invisible bottom felt smooth & rectangular, like a cell phone.  good grief.  i scrambled as far in as i dared go before the bottom nose-dives toward the center of the river & the rocks are spit-slick with slime.  (i’m told it’s 37′ deep in the middle.)  no phone.  plus, the river’s high & fast right now, with spring still on.  good grief.  all 3 of the younger kids just stood there, silent, watching me berate myself & pray, scrounge around & get wetter & wetter.  good grief.  

i never did find it, & really.  it would’ve been so impossible to use again, after like, what?  5 seconds in the water?  kieran ran ahead to tell daddy while i sniffled & drew my soaking self up.  the thing about it isn’t even really the stupid cell phone.  no.  it’s that thick sense of shame that bolted into my heart the minute i realized what i’d done.  no matter that it was an accident.  that, “really?  i just did that?  what am i, 5?”  oh, yes.  shame does its work, all on its own.

just so you know, i hate shame.

when i finally got up to the house (our backyard is a two-tiered endeavor, so it’s an actual hike from the water’s edge.  not that i’m complaining.) & retold andy what kieran had already excitedly relayed to him, he just laughed.  of course he did.  because he doesn’t care, & it really doesn’t matter.  it actually was a cheapy phone, a clearance, $30 model which was hard to hear callers on & had kind of started coming apart after we dropped it (i don’t even know what to say here.).

so because it’s our only mode of communication (no land line & no other cell phone) and our internet was down & in need of repair (raining, pouring, la la la.), we went en masse to wal-mart to fit ourselves with an upgrade.  thank you garage sale money, i love you.

& so, i’m not sure how all this fits together, from tulips to zachary & on to my drowned cell phone, but i think it does.  maybe hope & waiting, maybe that bit in romans about all things working together for good. God’s pretty wacky like that.  good wacky, i mean.
none of these things came easily or were immediate.  but they came, yes.  yes, they did.

all i know is at the end of the day, i had a plot full of beauty, a new bean to love in our extended family, & a new, better way to keep in touch with my handful.

i’d call that pretty hopeful, yes?

6 thoughts on “tulips, my new nephew, & dropping my phone in the river

  1. oh so good! your tulips, the photos, the new bean, the J-man holding said bean, your adventures, your children’s reactions, how soaked you became … in all that is life and crazy’ and fulfilling and funny’ and awaited and lost and renewed! loved every wild moment!!! and that wild and wacky God of ours…yes, I too called Him wacky (I even added wild). He, He does work all things for good. and I happen to believe that He is best at weaving all of the craziest, wildest, most unlikely companions of events together for something way more amazing, a tapestry of art more beautiful than we could ever have fathomed to imagine!!! thanks, sweet friend, for the sharing! much joy received here. I feel I must start writing, or cooking and delivering, or something, anything to gift you back for all that I take away from your prose!!! So needed this one this week. love you all!!!!

    1. yes, wild & crazy & unlikely, a weaving together. aptly spoken, friend!! do start writing, & really, if you must cook, well then. 🙂 such kind words, yours! thank you!!

  2. Wish I could write like you You are celebrating your new Nephew Birth and I’m Celebrating Old Age..Quite a few years since I watched you play out in your yard when you were little I run across some pictures every once in awhile and it refreshes your memory!Thinking of you all !

    1. genevieve! so wonderful to have you here! when we are home, we often see kelly & amber & their girls, & i am right back to a little girl myself, playing in the yard. thank you for your kind words & thoughts! they mean a lot to me!

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