hide.


i guess i’ve developed a mild fascination.  i wrote an honest post, & then the sparks flew.  some people around me slid a little out of their skins, pushing their hearts out into the open.  it was beautiful;  i loved it.

other people around me picked up a hammer & nailed the door of themselves shut.  & then they threw the hammer deep into the woods.

turns out, not everyone is into transparency.  in fact, once you begin to let your guard down & flex your authenticity muscles, once your heart begins to beat at a truer pace, someone will walk up to you & suggest you kindly stop talking.  now.  before you embarrass us all.

we can’t tell people who we are, they will say to you.  they will mean it.

because, the thing is, authenticity, vulnerability, truth-telling isn’t what we’re good at.  we are super at saying what we’d like people to think, or nuzzling ourselves into a kind-of truth.  i do this.  we were sitting around a bonfire with friends the other day, newish friends we were just getting to know, & i heard myself recall part of my mothering story over marshmallows roasting & kids cramming in between us with sharp sticks.  but what i heard myself say startled me.  here i was, new authenticity-flag waver, paring down the details of how long i nursed my babies.  because, really, i didn’t want my new friends to think i’m some hippie freak with attachment issues.  (both of which are true, but completely beside the point.)

telling our truth can be hella scary, right?

but there is freedom there, in that wide-open space after the real us steps out into the open meadow.  after the scary truth is spoken.  the sky is brighter, the flowers more beautiful.  trust me, i’ve caught a whiff.  i’m going to try really hard to not go back into hiding.

i’ve said this before, but when i was younger, my biggest, scariest fear was losing all my hair.  which happened.  & maybe, just maybe, that was the best thing that could’ve happened to me.  it cracked a fissure for me to come out.

so, are you in?
we’re made to be pretty darn outstanding, you & i.
taking the polish off really does let us shine.

love to you as you tell your truth.
i’m with you.
XO.

~jill.

 

4 thoughts on “hide.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s